I questioned God😬

Last Sunday I sat in church crying out my eyes as I questioned God’s love for me (Yeah I know, how dare I?). Before we go down the judgmental road lol, lemme give you a glimpse of what led me to that place.

I am a girl who has walked through life with so much pain and shame, I was mad at the world. Sometimes last year, I embarked on a journey to heal from a traumatic encounter that happened during my childhood years. But hey, I am not saying I was entitled to question God’s abundant love for me just because the world hasn’t been what I would call a place of warmth. But I guess due to carnality I found myself at such a place hey.

As I continued to tread upon such thoughts throughout the past fews days, the Holy Spirit began to minister to my heart (thank you for the Holy Spirit Lord🥺):

The love of God is the death of an only begotten Son on the cross. It is a Father knowing that I will probably not open the Bible or say a prayer the next day, but still He wakes me up. Love is God fighting battles on my behalf that I will never know about, this love is Him delaying buses and cabs to protect me from accidents and the arrows of the enemy, yet I frown and complain as I check the time on my wrist watch, that I got from my mom on my birthday (still His love in a hidden form). His love is the promise He wrote for you and me in John 3:16; a love that overlooks my shortcomings and mistakes. A love that came to save me and you through salvation. A love that sees my brokenness and still calls me His friend.

Love is God. That is He who He is. The Bible says that He remains the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8)~ He is a constant love. Love is a Father who convicts me to leave toxic relationships and to live for His glory. Love is God providing for my meals and my expenses, which I know is His provision, but it has a touch of His love too. We all know that hunger can kill you literally, and anyone who provides for your food, does it out of love. Love is God who crafted me in love and knitted me together wonderfully and fearfully in my mother’s womb. Love is God who knows the plans that He has for me, to not harm me but to give me hope and an expected end. Love is God healing my heart and my physical body from ailments and sicknesses. Love is the family and friends that look out for me. Love is Him telling me to let go of things that will hinder my preservation and purpose. Love is the smile of a stranger. Love is the kind words from anyone that reassures my heart that He heard my prayers and so much more.

I will not be able to finish talking about the love of God for me, because I cannot put an end on it. But maybe, someone reading this is currently asking God like I did, like where was His love when this and that happened? I don’t really have a specific answer for you, but Reverend Mumba once said that, when we begin to question God like that, maybe just maybe His love was where it was the moment they were crucifying Jesus on the cross (paraphrased).

I understand how it feels to have such questions, trust me I do. But I want to let you you know that God doesn’t get angry when we ask. He understands because He is a high Priest who sympathizes with us in our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15). I just hope and pray that you seek Him for answers or for an encounter to be more specific. He will surely answer you.

“Sometimes, you are just an encounter away from your breakthrough”.

-Pastor Gladys Paswani

Prayer:

Lord thank you that your love is unconditional. I pray that you help us truly believe that we are loved, let it not just be something we say or write in our bios on the media that we loved but May we truly believe and walk in an awareness of your love. Forgive us when we doubt your love for us and help our unbelief.

In the name of Jesus.

Amen.

From my heart to yours❤️

Matilda.