Since I can’t seem to find I sleep I thought I should come on here and slay out my mind I guess. Pray for me thou, I have a long day today and no I am not complaining. Anywaaaays, if I could get a penny for all the times I contemplated suicide and self harm the previous year I would be rich by now.
Last year was the year I made a deliberate decision to get a therapist because I struggled so much with anxiety and depression. One day, I was in a middle of a mental breakdown and I told God to heal my heart so that I could tell my story and help another girl who went through the same thing. I told God that I didn’t want a huge platform or anything lest, pride takes a hold of me. I just wanted to be healed for the sake of that one girl. But to be honest it was more like a desperate prayer, I just wanted to stop hurting but anyways God listened.
To cut a long story short, I am doing much better then the previous year all thanks to Jesus. Last week I had to talk to a girl who went through the same exact thing as me. Oh boy I promise you I got really scared. I found myself contemplating if I should really tell my story or just keep quiet about it.But then I remembered the prayer I made last year. And I was like, oh wow God it’s really happening, You really did it.
And I was still like but God I am afraid and I am not really sure if I am completely healed from that. I had so many excuses and all I could remember is a certain preacher who said something like while you are busy making excuses and all, God will use someone who is ready and willing. In that moment I was like shoot, God I will do it because You are working through me all I have to do is show up and trust Your leading. The truth of the matter God had this in mind that is why it had to hurt me so much last year as I sought for my healing.
“God is not betting on us, He is betting on His power working through us.”Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts
I had to realize that doing purpose is not about me at all. It has really all been about Him and lol yes, I had nightmares before I met up with this girl but I prayed. This victory belongs to Jesus and this battle has already been won on the cross of Calvary (I just wanted to declare that).
Besty, if you are reading this and you know that God placed something on your heart but you are making excuses because of fear,I pray that this post will encourage you to step out in faith. Just do it, not because you are trusting in your own power but because you are sure that heaven is backing you up. Pastor Cora Jakes Coleman said, having a little fear is okay because you know that pride hasn’t taken ahold of you. Fear forces you to lean more unto God (paraphrased). I am cheering you on Besty, just put on your big girls pants and do it.
Lord I am sorry for all the times we made it all about us and our silly excuses when it has always been about You. For all the times we didn’t step out in faith because we were too anxious to trust in You and in Your perfect plans, we are sorry and we choose to repent today. We are also sorry for all the times we didn’t give because we were too worried about tomorrow. I pray that we know what it means to truly trust in You completely. Thank You for trusting us with Your children that are so so dear to you and help us to not mess it up in the name of Jesus Christ.
P.S I ended up telling my story.
I love y’all❤️