I often find myself replaying words said about me. “Matilda is too this or that” and often times it lowers my mood, or rather it always makes me sad. And yet again I think of the power that the Lord Jesus has bestowed on me. He has given me the power to demolish arguments and every thought that seeks to exalt itself high above the knowledge of Jesus ( 1 Corinthians 10:5).
I know that I am a blogger, no doubt about that and if I can truly be frank with you, most of my pieces are written in times when I am trying to escape the war in my mind. Lol sorry to disappoint you, I am not a perfect at all, I have mental issues that I am trying to unpack with Jesus and therapy. Maybe now it’s safe for you to remove me from that high pedestal you placed me on😭.
There are rumors and a lot of stuff I heard about God healing troubled or traumatized minds. And I truly want to experience that for myself. I don’t want to live off on other people’s testimonies about Him. I want to have my own encounter with Him and use it as my personal reference point. I want to know how my carnal mind can collide with divinity.
The words spoken about me are always trying to raise themselves up against the knowledge that I have about God so it is safe to call them Antichrists. Now the fun fact is that, you are probably thinking that I am talking about the bad stuff spoken about me, and you are right. I am not talking about the good stuff right now. Lol, someone is probably saying “why are you focusing so much on them then?” Lol, I am human my darling. But I hear you thou, enough about the bad stuff.
I know of people who said good things about me, if I could I would list their names, but y’all know yourselves so bless their hearts Lord (someone pass me a box of tissues 🤧). But I don’t want their words to get to me too much, lest I become addicted to people’s validation of which I sought for so much in my recent past. I want to only look and see myself in the mirror of God’s word. Everything He said about me, that’s what I want to get high on, so that I am not shaken or cast down when I hear rumors about myself again. When I begin to see Christ embodied in me every time I look in the mirror and not just an ordinary girl named Matilda, then I can confidently say that my carnal mind has finally collided with His divinity.
“Why art thou cast down, O my soul?”